if you like me you must not know who I am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
