I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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