She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
