just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize