he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize