Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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