Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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