The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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