Are we in a gay sports bar?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
