We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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