You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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