I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
