i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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