He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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