I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
