That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize