the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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