I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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