I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
