You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm always down for nudity.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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