I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
