sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I understand Curling. That high.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize