I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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