im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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