why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
