I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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