now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
