I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
