You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
