I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
