my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
