you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
