Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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