you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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