Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
