I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
