I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
