You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
