And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
