Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
