Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
