Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize