guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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