You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
