that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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