So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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