I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
