i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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