I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
