just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
