you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
