So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
