if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
