i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
