If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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