I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize