I can text with my tongue
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
