If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
