a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize