Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
