just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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