i think my tv is drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
