Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
