In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think my moral compass just broke
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
