I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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