Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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