You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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