We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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