She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
