Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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