Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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