You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
